The insane trials of Boss the hamham uneditted
by LynnLynn-San
Summary: This is the un-dubbed version of the story by Alynne and Christine (Neo moon Queen). This is the part we warned you about. Please take caution.
1. On Trial

Your Honor, the Crown will now present their case against Boss the Ham-Ham. The Defendant is charged with Prostitution and endangering a Minor. The Crown calls Bijou the Ham-Ham to the stand. Miss Bijou, do you promise to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help you God? "Oui" Now Miss Bijou, please tell the members of the jury what you saw on the night of October 11. "Well Hamtaro and I were on a romantic walk through the park. Suddenly we heard some noises coming from the bushes. Hamtaro and I ducked behind one bushes, fearing that it might be an animal. But from out of that bush came Boss and that Little girl. AND THEY WEREN'T WEARING ANY CLOTHES!" {Jury gasps and start to whisper} ORDER IN THE COURT! Go on Miss Bijou. "Well ze were kissing, and Boss was doing many unspeakable things to her." {Jury gasps again} Boss leapt up. THAT'S NOT TRUE! I WAS JUST SHOWING HER HOW TO... {Jury boos} Sit down Mr. Boss! Later~ Miss Jury forewoman, have you reached a verdict? Yes we have your honor. We, the jury, find the defendant, Boss the Ham-ham, guilty of all charges. Very well. Mr. Boss, I am very disgusted with you behaviour. You are herby sentenced to life in prison without parole. I hope that Ham-Ham's like you shall never roam the streets again. So there you have it. Boss is a criminal. Boss: It's not true!!! I was just showing her how to-*boss is interrupted by bijou* Bijou: Judge, may I approach the desk? Judge: Approach Bijou: *whispers:* Judge, what Boss says is not true, for right now, he is not wearing clothes either. Boss: (having very good hearing says): It's not true! I am wearing clothes!!! {Jury gasps} Mr. Boss, you certainly are not wearing clothing of any kind. Please add Public Disturbance to his list of charges. At least Bijou wore a dress to the hearing! Boss: Bijou! How could you betray me! Bijou: Oh Boss. You know zat your behaviour was very inappropriate. Shame on you! {he then slaps him across the face.} Hamtaro: Know Bijou is all mine!{ He pulls Bijou close and kisses her} Judge: Hey! Go Get come out of it.} Judge: What is the world coming to? {Starts banging her head on the desk} What a very strange trial. 

Later on the Ham-Ham news The Judge that was serving at the Boss trial, has been taken to a Mental Institution, because she had a Mental Breakdown. She was taken away, muttering, "All hamsters are evil, must kill all hamsters." Apparently, our reporter looks like a hamster, because she tried to kill him. Oxnard the Ham-Ham has broken the world record for most sunflower seeds eaten by hamster. THIS JUST IN! BOSS THE HAM-HAM HAS ESCAPED FROM JAIL! HE WAS LAST SEEN BASHING THE PRISON WINDOW WITH HIS SHOVEL {Don't ask me how he got a shovel into a Maximum Security prison} AND HE THEN RAN DOWN THE STREET TOWARDS THE HAM-HAM CLUBHOUSE, SCREAMING BLOODY MURDER BECAUSE HAMTARO ALLDEGELY STOLE "HIS GIRL" BIJOU. More on this story later Bijou and Hamtaro were in the Ham-ham clubhouse when Boss attacked. Boss: Hamtaro!!!!! U WILL PAY for STEALING my GIRL!!!!! *boss starts thrashing Hamtaro with his shovel* Bijou: Oh my gosh! Boss! Stop zat! it tis not right! I know u do not like Hamtaro, but this... HAMTARO!!! DONT LEAVE ME!!!!!! Boss: I know u love Hamtaro! but I'm doing this for u! Bijou: r u doing this for me, or u? if u loved me u would leave me and Hamtaro alone! it is what I want, and u want what's best for me? is dat right? Boss: *listens to what Bijou is saying; stops thrashing and leaves an incredible exit, if u know what I mean* meanwhile, Hamtaro is rush to the hospital, and diagnosed with broken neck, 2 legs, and 1 arm, and minor head damage. Doctors say he may not remember anything. Bijou: *says to herself* "Boss, why did u do this? u said in the court I betrayed u, but u betrayed me." Bijou *walks into Hamtaro's hospital room and lays down with him (for some reason I don't know, well actually I do…) Ham-Ham News: This Just in! Boss the Ham-Ham has been killed. He was attempting to escape from prison with some other inmates when the guards caught saw them. In order to prevent them from escaping, the Guards were forced to use deadly force. There will be no funeral for this Hamster. In other News, Hamtaro and Bijou have announced their engagement today. This news is believed to be the news that made Boss go bonkers and try to escape. A date for the wedding is going to be set for sometime in the spring .


	2. Part you were never meant to see part I

Pickles of Amerai: The previous chapter was the chapter you SAW of the Insane trials of boss the Ham-Hams by neo moon Queen (also known as Christine), and Myself (also known as Alynne). The following is the non-edited version that we wrote with the help of caffeine. What you saw on her account, was some what of a dub…  
  
Pickles of Amerai: Please be aware that I.H.S. means In His Sleep. You will need this knowledge to understand the story.   
  
Maxwell: oh prince snoozer, what can I get for u???  
Snoozer (in his sleep [I.H.S.] says): cheese from the goats on the highest mountain in town. Boil it in your spit.  
Maxwell: uh, r u sure? I mean boiling it in my spit-  
Snoozer IHS says: do it, before I tell u something even grosser!!!!!  
Maxwell: well, if u say so... ham-hams! We need 2 climb the highest mountain in town and get cheese from the goats! Then I, well, I  
gotta.......................boil........it.........in.........my...............well............spit.  
Everyone: IN YOUR SPIT????@!!!!!!!!!!!????????  
Bijou: MAXWELL! {slaps Him}  
Maxwell: WHAT DID YA DO THAT FOR?  
Bijou: You know zat wa very inappropriate.  
Maxwell: We must do what ever the Prince wants us to do.  
Boss: Du Kannest Tun, Oh Sailor Moon. {I'm sorry, I'm listening to the  
German Sailor Moon Theme Song.…}  
Cappy: Oh God, I jus Pictured something I did NOT want to see......  
Boss: OH SAILOR MOOO-OOOOOON!!!!!!1Let' go to the mountain!  
  
~Outside Palace Gates~  
  
Howdy: Stop There yer stinkin' varmints!  
Bijou: OH NO!  
Boss: I AM SAILOR MOON! I RIGHT WRONGS AND TRIUMPHF OVER EVIL! AND THAT MEANS YOU! IN THE NAME OF THE MOON, I SHALL PUNISH YOU! {Hold out his shovel like Sailor Moon holds her wand} MOON SCEPTER ELIMINATION! {It doesn't work} WHAT? {He throws his hat like Sailor Moon throws her tiara} MOON TIARA MAGIC! {It dosn't work} WHY WON'T IT WORK????? WAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!  
Bijou: Well zat was amusing  
Hamtaro: very  
  
Will Boss triumph over evil? Tune in next time!


	3. Part you were never meant to see part II

Pickles of Amerai: Uh yes, where was I? Oh yes! The story you Weren't supposed to see!  
  
Neo moon Queen: *notices what I'm posting* you dolt! I told you not to post this! *attacks Pickles of Amerai with her Assassin routine*  
  
Pickles of Amerai: *tries to escape* Well, that's all folks! This is the last chappie that we wrote together. I'm kinda busy being killed, so I'll see you around (if I live)!  
  
Boss lunges @ howdy in rage.  
Boss: Oh! u probably got some dumb spell, so my magic wont work!!!! ARGH!!! THATS IT !!!! U ASKED FOR IT!!!! MOON SCEPTER (ok I don't know what its called, but he uses it)  
Howdy: HA HA HA!!!! u think that will stop me??? well, u thought wrong! Take this (howdy shoots a ray of light from his staff, it hits boss)  
Hamtaro: think we should leave him?  
Bijou: zat tis un good idea, Hamtaro. let us go, to the highest mountain.  
Cappy: I AM SAILOR MERCURY! IN THE NAME OF THE PLANET MERCURY, I SHALL PUNISH YOU! {Picks up garden hose} SHINE AQUA ILUSION! {Soaks Howdy}  
Howdy: YER STINKIN VARMINT!  
Panda: I AM SAILOR VENUS! IN THE NAME OF LOVE AND BEAUTY, I SHALL PUNISH YOU! {Author's note: For her attack, Venus blows a kiss, which turns into a heart and throws it at her enemies. Just thought you would like to know.....}  
Panda: VENUS LOVE AND BEAUTY SHOCK! {Goes up and kisses Howdy}  
Howdy: WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT? YOU GAY HAMSTER! On the second thought, I kinda liked that......  
Sandy: I AM SAILOR MARS! IN THE NAME OF THE PLANET MARS I SHALL PUNISH YOU!   
MARS FIRE IGNITE! {Holds up a lighter to Howdy's face and sets it on fire}  
Howdy: OMG! HEEELPPP!!!  
Stan: I AM SAILOR JUPITER! IN THE NAME OF THUNDER AND LIGHTNING, I SHALL   
PUNISH YOU! JUPITER! OAK! EVELOUTION! [Leaves fly out and hit Howdy}  
Howdy: Ouch!!  
Pashmina: I AM SAILOR SATURN! {Pulls out a big scary stick} DEATH REBORN  
REVILOUTION! {Whacks him on the head}  
Who ever that girl is with the short hair: I AM SAILOR URANUS! URANUS WORLD  
SHAKING! {Pulls out a mini planet and chucks it at Howdy.}  
Laura: I AM SAILOR NEPTUNE! {Pulls out water gun} NEPTUNE DEEP SUBMERGE! {Squirts  
him}  
Conna: I AM SAILOR PLUTO! {Pulls out another big stick} PLUTO DEADLY SCREAM!  
{Smoke pours out of the stick as she hits Howdy}  
Penelope: AU-QUIE! {Translation: I AM SAILOR CHIBI-CHIBI!} }Author's Note: In  
Sailor Moon, chibi-chibi is a baby that can only say her name. Rather Appropriate  
for Penelope, eh?}  
AU-QUIE! {Translation: CHIBI-CHIBI!} {I'm sorry, but Chibi-Chibi doesn't have a  
real attack.}  



End file.
